WTF English!?

WTF English Language Mark Hayes Blog

Welcome to the English language 2.0. It fucking sucks.

The growing popularity of text messaging and Twitter has brought along a slew of LOL’s, BTW’s and ROFL’s that has those of us who appreciate good writing wanting to shoot ourselves.

What started with a flirtatious wink ;-) has quickly developed into an epidemic that is compromising the integrity of our beautiful lexicon: The English Language.

It pisses me off, so I’m going to go on a bit of a rant.

English is under attack, and it’s important we take this seriously. The words we choose, the colloquialisms, the diction and the vernacular are important. Whether you articulate yourself like an adult or you use smiley face emoticons says a lot about who you are as a person.

As much as I would love to simply blame Twitter or Paris Hilton, English has been deteriorating for Centuries.

Dr. Robert Millar, Senior lecturer in linguistics at Aberdeen University, suggests the attack on the Queens Proper English goes back far before the Internet. Millar claims,  “Abbreviations like gr8 have been used in languages for centuries—there are examples even from the time of Egyptian hieroglyphics.”

Indeed the practice of abbreviating words is nothing new. In the days of pay-per-character telegraphs, people would use as few words as possible to keep the price down.

Furthermore, the business world has been using ASAP, FAQ, and FYI for decades.

Hell I’m guilty as well. Often time, I will add an afterthought to a letter by writing PS. Most would argue there is nothing wrong with an acronym every now and then, but a line is crossed when the reader has to painfully decipher a translation. I often find myself scratching my head at this kind of crap:

  • BFF
  • BRB
  • BTW
  • MYOB
  • ROFL

So what’s that shit called? It is Short Message Service (SMS) – a crude dialect that bastardizes letters and numbers to generate ultra-abridged “words.” In its most simple form, one would take “text” and truncate it to a less appealing “txt,” which apparently saves time. Vowels are overrated anyway, right?

The goal of SMS language is to use as few characters as possible to communicate a comprehensible message. It doesn’t obey or follow standard grammar, punctuation or spelling. It’s no-holds-barred. It sucks.

At times, I’ll look at a perfectly constructed sentence and become lost in a paralysis of nostalgic longing. I think, that’s what the English language is supposed to be: A mesmerizing ballet of words laced together with grammar, capitalization and (God forbid) punctuation! Not a mess of inarticulate short forms in 140 characters or less.

Some argue we have cleaned up the English language. Stripped away the unnecessary layers and created a more modern means of communication. Smart people will always disagree.

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